Letter of self introduction
Subject: Self introduction
Dear Prof Brad,
I hope this letter will help you understand me better. I am Jethro
and I graduated from Nanyang polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics engineering.
The passion started when I started playing with Legos at a young
age. It allowed me to create anything that I set my mind to, and it has led me
to many creations that I would proud of. I wanted to join the robotics club when
I was in primary school, but my sisters forced me to join the school’s volleyball
team. It was great that I joined as I fell in love with the sport. Fast forward
to my last year of polytechnic where I was given an opportunity to go to India
for internship and as much as I didn’t want to leave my family and friends, I knew
that it would be a good learning experience. Sure enough, I was working with a Universal
Robot that had 6 degrees of freedom. I had so much fun learning and
understanding the machine. This experience opened my eyes to world or robots and
the efficiency of it is in saving time and human load.
During my internship, I found it hard to speak up at times
as I wasn’t comfortable with speaking in public. I felt that it was a habit
that I would like to work and improve on. I know that this is a very important skill
as I will be using it often in the future. My strength is that I would work
hard and spend time to improve it.
My goal for this module is to refine my public speaking
skills while learning more about myself and my peers who are on this journey of
self-improvement. Thank you for reading my letter.
Regards,
Jethro
Great post Jethro, good pointers on how Legos and robotics led you in this course. Some pointers I found from your introduction,
ReplyDeletePreposition = "This experience opened my eyes to the world of robots".
Word form = "and it's efficiency in saving time and human load".
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post Jethro! Very clear and straight to the point. Its also clear to me that Jethro is very passionate about the things he love.
ReplyDeleteA good pointer will be :
1) "This experience opened my eyes to the world of robots".(Preposition)
(Some spelling mistakes in your blog)
However there are a few mistakes that ive managed to narrow out.
1)"Dear Prof Brad" Abbreviations where the final letter is not the same as the word it's abbreviating, hence there should be a period after the title
2)"Fast forward to my last year of polytechnic where I was given an opportunity"
There should be a comma after the word "polytechnic" (Run-on sentence
& Comma splice)
Dear Jethro,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this concise personal sharing. I appreciate that your content is *basically* aligned with the assignment brief. We do learn something about your background and interest in engineering thanks to a childhood spark for creating. We also learn a bit about your internship being in India, a comm skills weakness in public speaking and your participation in volleyball. That's all interesting, but more detail would have enhanced this post.
What's missing for me is the substantiation. An illustration or two, or an explanation of something you mention, would make this letter really stand out. Here are some of the areas of a lack of detail or clarity:
-- The passion > (which passion? explain. Give context for this idea beforehand.) ?
-- ...it has led me to many creations that I would proud of. > (Give an example.)
-- During my internship, I found it hard to speak up at times... > (You need a transition from the ideas in the previous paragraph. You shouldn't simply jump into this new dicussion of strengths and weaknesses of comm skills. You also need to say more about your internship.) ?
-- My strength is that I would work hard and spend time to improve it. > (A strong comm skill? I don't really see this as a comm skills issue.)
2. capitalization problem
-- Nanyang polytechnic > (inconsistency) ?
-- working with a Universal Robot > (Does this need caps? Is it a name?)
You've done the basic here, Jethro, but I actually expect a bit more from you. Your language use is quite fluent, but the content can be enhanced.
Please look at revision as a chance to develop your comm skills. :)
Cheers,
Brad
Hello Prof Brad, thank you for your comment. I will improve and enhance the letter for the next draft.
Delete